PUT A SOCK IN IT

PUT

It almost goes without saying – that the BBC’s X Factor antidote, The Voice,
has turned out to be as effective as cleaning a sewage pipe with a bucket of
diarrhoea.

Nobody could have expected it to be quite this chronically flawed,
though. PUT

The prime time talent show blueprint remains one that fans of
underground music will forever long to kindle with its architect Simon Cowell and light. PUT

It’s an easy target, so much so that you’re now considered a snob
and a bad sport if you don’t get on board the juggernaut and ride it all the way to the top of the Billboard Chart with One Direction.

Their phenomenal success certainly is a feather in the cap of “finding real talent” via these kinds of shows, or at least accomplishing hysterical success that has belonged in popular music since The Beatles at JFK.

So well done them, and fair play X Factor – you’re clearly not going anywhere; we’ve accepted that now. SOCK

But The Voice? Come on – this is Britain’s Got Talent with spinning chairs.
“It’s all about the voice!” That’s my problem. Leading up to its launch,

you couldn’t change the channel for someone involved with the show plugging how, “it’s not about anything but the voice, no sob stories, not what they look like, just how they sing”.

It’s a USP (Unique Selling Point, in business speak) that’s regurgitated in The Voice’s opening credits each week.


The thing is, it’s complete bollocks. Week one, contestant one: a young lady tells in her short intro film of how she’s bullied at school and music is her
escape. Next: a slightly older woman has suffered from alopecia from an early age.

Then: this guy used to be in boy band 5ive. All genuinely sad in their own way, yes, but it’s already not all about the voice. On top of this, we, the public,


have now seen these people, so the looks thing is out of the window too, and
I’m guessing if The Voice is to make any money at all it’s going to be us who
vote for the winner.

Even for the judges (sorry, ‘coaches’ – another revolutionary USP), they only don’t look at the contestants for one song. Put simply, The Voice’s big gimmick lasts 120 seconds.

Then it’s another singing contest that looks a hell of a lot like the one it’s taken the moral high ground against.


Simon Cowell is no saint, but the idea that the first round of The X Factor
is the hardest unless you look like the finished article is absurd

if anything, they love a fixer-upper. This man gave us Susan Boyle

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